COMING SOON!

nonesuch hike 3

soon!

so,
nonesuch hikers are kicken some ass...
we started...with a small
but very sweet little intro day.
in a circle on the floor of the masonic center

then...
we jumped into action on out first hike...
anadale.. to the lake and back.
bout 3 hours or so.
it rained.... for only a couple secound...but hard.
it was sweet.

hike 2
started, from little old camp meeker
and after some serious...and very secretive,
climbing, and hiking, and crossing of obstacles,
we landed ourselves in a place called the sound of music

we overlooked, rolling green grassy hills.
with large evergreen trees growing more than twice there size as they got closer, climbing the hills twords us.
they meet the blue sky at the top, with only a few clouds.
and it is sunny...
when i am lying on my back, sweating in the grass, all i see is the sun and my hand covering it and a big fluffy wolf head. that happens to be a friends dog.

not to mention,
if you howled or barked, there is an amazing echo....

yeee!!!
it was a blast

so
way to go...NSK!

mmmmm....

content mmmm....
always moving,
but content mmmm...

like after you eat a bowl of grub.

hmmm,

well...i guess id have to start with,
my favorite teacher ever is back at my school,not teaching a full time job...even better,someting he likes....the outdoors...a 4 friday one field trip backpacking class.

still have a job...
some great new friends...
maybe a house...

more self love,

and no puppy...

since last post,
ive been emancipated,
gotten more organized,
discovered new things
and put a ribbon in my hat.

and go by the name dog.

lets see,
its been a while,

i still live in novato...thats never really that exciting,
im getting a job upgrade,to...the window person/money taker.
life is still full of suprises....
and being unsure...most of the time can suck...


school,not going so well
trying to get out...with a proficiency

and yeah....

thats pretty much it.

uh...
its one o those posts...
where so much has changed im not sure where to start...
i could start with this morning....when theo woke up feeling sick...
and cant get out of bed to work...
therefore...
no school...
and no work...
for either of us cause he's my ride and we're in novato!

but other than that....
well...
im trying to have some kind of relationship...with a person...that is on a DEEPER level...than i could really explain...
its strange.
im nervouse about having a relation thats not on the surface as much.

also...there seems to be...more than meets the eye...
like....almost random but not quite.inebriation from another human...

work is teaching me some crazy shit
like how to think ahead to the next thing your gonna do...
like how to have what you are doing be able to work well for the next thing your doing
its like multi tasking in your mind.
cool shit,

geez its been so long i dont know if i can even bring myself up to speed on everything thats happened lately.
ive been liviing with my friend theo,we both work at a coffee shop,and we both seem to want to use and care about our job more than other things.
our jobs give us money for food...
i work 5 days a week and theo works 6...
school hasn't been so great.
aparently i may no my teachers to well to lern like a normal student,i dont know there are still some problems there i believe.

partied it up recently....it turned out to be a struggle,if you ever been...baligerent,and than had to figure out your thoughts,well basicly i couldn't think at a critical moment due to the fact that i was drunk....
so instead i sat on the curb....and mumbbled..."i cant think when i want to,this is wierd,i cant think what i want to think about."

but....
things are seeming to come together,i have money to eat again...and to put in the gas tank to get to novato every day...and im starting to get used to working regularly to have it...
good stuff....

off to school...

life is disorienting

struggling to live WITH other people.

idk...
some shit hurt , now i gtg get over it.

well,
im trying to quit smoking...
through it...learning a little more about what i really want
i used to not really know that often what it was i wanted
things are changing
things change lots,always,its good shit
so far so good though...havn't had a cigarette for days.

so its been a while yesm,

anyway...things are going good...
i have our house to myself, for the next 4 or so days...
its kool.

went to the beach the other day
it was a really nice day...clear but not too hot and not lots o wind...
theo and a friend called alex, are here...im going to wake them up now.
:)

hmmm..
been digging in the past a little again...
y go looking for the pain

release,
somesort of relief and freeness i guess
but still the fear fear fear fear fear
the option to time travel is in my face
i survived it once...i could do it again
but could i....
the fear....uhhhg i wish it were gone or over powered.

well well,
lets see...
i have to learn to communicate with alan...that is what im doing now
it doesn't feel as stuck right now.
i cant really even explain...but i do this thing where i want to say something to someone and then its fear and than i cant(or don't) even if i try for like weeks.
needs fixing.

schools ruff on the edges but good on the insides...where its warm,and yummy.

happy comes and goes.
life is full of suprises.

hmm...lets see
forth day of school...
havn't made a day through sober yet hmmm...
well...yeah
things have been better...
gotta change somethin here.
k

so at this point...i am confused
i dont know what i feel or what i want or need...
we have a girl...from germany going to our school...same grade as me and my bro
shes an exchange student
and shes living in my house... even though i made it clear a long time before it even came up as a possibuility,that i couldn't(but really more like didn't want to)live with this person...
so i have to get over...something whatever it is.
im being the chamillion again....alot of the time,that or hiding.
its stupid

hmm...so school started and well...it was the first day we didnt do that much.
i was excited after i saw my friends

there is a german exchange student living in my house now for a 30 day trial.then she will stay the year,or not.
i....i...am...its gonna take time,

so,
never went and got drunk
school starts tomorow.

hurting to healing hurting to healing hurting to healing
torn up inside
long gashes open wounds
inside me...almost dieing,inside
hurting to healing,hurting to healing,hurting to healing,hurting to healing,hurting to healing
hurting into healing
fuck hurting to healing hurting to healing hurting to healing
heal heal heal
create!

ok well...
i dreamed i saw the guy...hes captain now...but he used to be firstmate
well hes the guy i sailed the tall ship with 3 summers in a row.
its probly the most free ive ever felt.

so...after having this dream
i woke up sad and frustrated that i didn't sail this year.

at some point here i need to get my shit together
get a job...get a car,move to la and work on the spirit of dana point
good winds for sailing those big guys right now
september wind gotta love it
tall ships festaval is comig up...
:/
k

uh lets see...
it sucks having people important to you die...

even if it happens over and over again....
its something that just feels unordinary non the less...unfamiliar
idk...its like time keeps going by...and i keep...not dealing with my shit...

and then i just picked up my phone and lost my thought(wich had something to do with how not dealing with things from the past feels bad and all...in the present right now,and its frustrating)
but on the other hand
the phone conversation i just had went a little like this...simple minded and on the serface....
K)hello?
S)this is sophia...me and p are out in the field i drank taquila at five and now we're drinkin up some brew yeah....what you doin?
K)i am sitting in my house not drinking brew contimplating partyin it up with you too here soon before school...cause i here your leavin nonesuch...but im thinking i have been hella bored for days lets kick it.
S)huh dude id be so down to chill with you
K)yeah i know you would....
S)have you hung out with raffi?at all...hes like my ex boy friend...and like er sometimes i so hate him like........ETC
(me...getting frustrated at something else)
K)yeah you fucked him it aint my problem...
S)whatever i dont bone every guy i hang out with
K)uh..im just giving you shit cause your out drinkin in the field...and i am not doing...i am just being.
S)yeah whatever...id fuck you
K)i know you would. alright whatever...(lol) gime me a call will kick it...it'll be chill we'll eat,talk,drink,party,chill,and then puke if we wanna.
S)alright(drunk giggle)
K)mmmhmmm.
*click*
lets see...this just sounds like an even more stupid ideah now
ahh fuck...i don't know what drives me to do what i do...if i did id have control freedom...some good shit right whatever.
idk...
little confused right now...
school will start and give me a new pattern...and let me watch new patters...people what not.
but seriously this is so wierd to look at this conversation...
weird i say very....

so basicly things are confusing...
what to do what not to do
who to be,to be me,and not know who that is and just be finding out is a little scary
and very...hard or something.

but this post started abut death yes?

well...anyway...its like i know i have feeling that want to come out so bad...having to do with people who died...i know they are there i feel them getting so strong they ooze out...but its like i havn't poped the blister
its like walking into a wall
i want to be able to let them out
yet i can feel them pushing on a block i put in the way if you see what i mean
its like trying to see something...while your looking into a light that is so bright...
that its berning out your eyes and you feel that...
but that is not even in the same catogory as what you looked there for in the first place.